James Buckley

It seems like I can only write once a year. That's probably even too much for people. Anyways, I’ve been trying to write this post for about a month. When I first started, an old friend of mine shared a little about her personal battle with anxiety and depression at the beginning of the month. I haven’t written anything substantial in a while, and she really inspired me to…. do the exact the same thing that she did. Just a lot less eloquently. Listen, I never said I was original. But you’re here now and you aren’t going to STOP reading, right? Right?? Wait no please, come back… Anyways, we’re here. This has changed almost completely from the original idea I had to write about, and I’ll explain why. I hope this somehow makes sense and isn’t just word vomit. If it IS word vomit, I have a great reason, as you’ll see….. I’ve had a rough couple of weeks! Civilization is in ruins, sports have all been cancelled or postponed and we have a nasty virus running roughshod over everyt...

"What in the world am I doing?" That was all I could think this last Wednesday morning. Here it was: 3 AM, and I was driving to the gym. I'm going to try to give you a valid reason why this is what I chose to do at 3 AM, but chances are, it won't make sense anyway. I tried explaining my reasoning to my dad the next day, and he (understandably) just shook his head. Trust me when I tell all of you that it makes even less sense to me. But I'm going to try and see if writing it out helps either of us with the clarity.  In the last year or so, i've gotten pretty good at keeping a normalized sleep schedule. Most nights I can sleep from 11:30 - 7:30, give or take half an hour on either end. I tell you this because Tuesday night wasn't any different. I was in bed at 11 PM and fell asleep sometime after that.. A few hours later (somewhere around 1:30 AM), I woke up in a PANIC... Literally. I had one of the worst anxiety attacks i've had in a while. It fel...

It’s been almost a year since I’ve shared anything I’ve written, and that’s sad. It’s also because I haven’t had anything I’ve felt like writing about and sharing. Now I have a story I want to try and tell.. it’s about a bit of a sensitive subject and I want to share my story in a way that is understandable (and maybe even relatable?). I’m sharing this only because maybe it’ll help someone in a similar position. Maybe it won’t, but it helps me to get it out also so it’s worth a shot. I’ll just jump right to it: Mental health issues have always been a bit of a taboo in my life. I wasn’t naïve enough to think that they don’t exist, but I figured I never would be able to fully understand because it wasn’t something that I had to deal with. I had close friends who dealt with it, but I didn’t try to understand what they were dealing with, and honestly probably discounted them a bit. I come from a family of strong people. One of my grandpas favorite sayings was that “It’ll feel bet...

** Hi, I wrote at least half of this between 1 AM and 4 AM this morning when I couldn't sleep, I tried to write everything in a way that makes sense and not just random thoughts so I really hope the flow is there** This past weekend, I saw two of my favorite people dancing the Tango (tango? Tango ? I'm rolling with the capitalization but if it's wrong please correct m e.) inside a high school auditorium and I had an epiphany.  It was an epiphany that I had been waiting for. Waiting for something inside my brain to click and it finally happened in the most obvious and least expected moment. **************************************************** To know everything about me, you basically need to know just one thing: I love my family. I'm not sure where it started, or if it'll ever change, but my family comes before just about anything else. This hasn't always been the case, though. There were times when I was younger that my life revolved completely ar...

**Hi! This post is long and has a lot of detail about my life in the last few years.. But there is a point i'm trying to make that makes sense in the end, trust me** In my room, hanging on a nail next to my closet is a picture of Baymax (from Big Hero 6) I drew when I went to Disneyland in May. (this isn't relevant). Hanging in front of that picture is a 3 month old crumpled race number from July. On top of THAT is a medal from that same race, dangling freely. (this is very relevant) *********************************************** I want you guys to see something I noticed this morning that got me thinking. Here is a picture of my dad and I when I was in 9th grade at a random school lunch: And here is a picture from three months ago, after a triathlon my dad and I did together: Notice any differences? (Other than that I got better hair and slightly less awkward?) I sure do. And it requires that you know the backstory.. ...

**Disclaimer: This post is long and full of ramblings. I hope it makes sense, and if for some reason to read through to the end, I'm amazed at your dedication, and you might need a life** I have a problem. Not a huge problem, but it affects a lot of what I do day to day.. I'm loyal to a fault. That sounds like a good thing right? I'm here to explain why that's not entirely true. In the past year, I lost a friend. This friend had been one of my closest friends since I was 12 years old (for those keeping score at home, I turn 21 in about a month). To this day, I'm not sure what happened with the friendship. I don't know if I did something to offend him, or if he just needed to go a different way... But it's sad! I miss him. Here's the crazy part of the story: If he called me right now and asked me to do ANYTHING. I'd be there in a heartbeat. Not to win back his friendship or whatever, but because a person I cared about needed my assistance...